I’m going to give the presentation? I’ll go get a coffee? Are you noticing what I’m doing? Christopher Peterson (founding father of positive psychology) calls it UpSpeak. It’s also known as high-rise terminals (HRT), and Uptalk. I’m referring to when people (women more than men and I’m not making this up) make a statement and allow their voice to rise at the end. It ends up turning the statement into a question.
Instead of confidently making a statement and moving forward, many ladies are hedging their statements by turning them into questions. Two things happen as a result:
1. They get the reassurance they are looking for.
Likely an unconscious request on the speakers part but obvious to those who are listening, AND
2. Other people cannot disagree with the speaker.
Because they’ve turned their statement into a question. How can you disagree with a question?? Maybe you’re thinking, “That’s brilliant!” Are you kidding me?
I say “unconscious” because I don’t know of anyone who would do that on purpose. I’ve heard people who UpSpeak, vehemently deny they lack confidence, but here’s the thing . . . maybe they don’t feel a lack of confidence, but when they UpSpeak they don’t sound confident. In their book, “The Confidence Code,” Kay and Shipman report, “We unconsciously make our comment sound like a question in order to deflect criticism.”
So what do you do? If you want to increase your confidence, the obvious answer is to . . . Stop doing it!
Here’s how you can break the bad habit (because that’s all it is):
Since it can be difficult to pay attention to your own speech, ask a friend, colleague, or peer to pay attention to your speaking. Each time you convert a phrase into a question, ask them to point it out to you (a little flick on the tip of your nose will make you pay attention – guaranteed).
If you’re giving a talk or presentation, you can record yourself. (I can see you rolling your eyes at that suggestion, quietly thinking “yeah right, Barb!” Ok, it’s not the easiest suggestion but it is the one that will give you the quickest results).
Patrick Munoz (voice and speaking coach) suggests practicing walking down stairs with your phrases. Start out on the top step with your voice high and as you descend, drop your voice with each step. It’s fun to do! If you want to increase your confidence, have people take you serious, and make a bigger impact, do your homework and lose your UpSpeak!
Barb
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